A personal essay on the Filipino transgendered experience:The Manila Times Sunday Feature
The Sunday Feature of the Manila Times (a majore newspaper in the Philippines) on June 25, 2006. ------------------------- Sunday, June 25, 2006 R-E-S-P-E-C-T! A personal essay on the Filipino transgendered experience By Francis "Chuck" Gomez AS I began to traverse the vast terrain of modern transgender politics and ideology in preparation for this story, I realized that I am no expert in the field and subject of transgender identity. Like most people, I too have my preconceived notions on the issue and concept of the transgender experience. And like most people, before my research on this story, the formulated notions and opinions on the transgender experience that I came up with are anchored on flimsy assumptions that are mostly based on things that I think I am aware of and already know. Objectively, this story is based on my personal assumptions that are rooted on my comprehension of the interviews that I conducted. Subjectively, I have a hidden agenda: My yearning to at least be within the proximity of being able to understand transgender politics. The purpose of this story is to peek at the female transgender experience in the Philippines. The questions in my mind were paradoxically basic yet complex: Are there actual transgendered women in the country? What are they like? Are they gay, like me? And ultimately, what exactly is the definition of the word "transgender"—is it a legitimate part of the lexicon of gender, or is it merely a term coined by certain individuals to concretize their abstract feelings about themselves? I asked these questions because I believe that transgendered women (my interest on transgendered men is yet to be explored) have been relegated to the margins of the people who have celebrated and championed the emergence and noble cause of gender studies. My journey was ignited by my first encounter with transgendered women in one of the sessions of STRAP (Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines) a couple of months ago. My friend V, a post-op transgendered woman (meaning she underwent a sexual reassignment procedure), is one of the cofounders of the organization. The members hold sessions at V's office in Quezon City, at least once a month. The central mission and vision of STRAP is to provide a space for Filipino transgendered women, where they can find a support group of other transgendered women, who fully understand both the actual and vicarious experiences unique to them from day to day. The organization's structure democratic, so that Filipino transgendered women can learn more about themselves through dialogue, discussions and exposure. In my eagerness to meet other transgendered women besides V, I decided to visit one of STRAP's meetings. There were about 15 tansgendered women present at the session. V introduced me to each of them, after which we exchanged pleasantries and small talk. Not wanting to overstay my welcome, I excused myself before they went on to business and kissed all 15 of my sisters on the cheek. I casually said: "O mga bakla, enjoy kayo ha! [Have fun, you gays!]," to which someone politely but firmly replied, "Hindi kami mga bakla, babae kami [We are not gays, we are women]." Of course, I was startled since I did not mean to offend them. Gay men like me use the word "bakla" so casually when we refer to other people in an informal manner, and especially other gay men. I quickly apologized and said, "Sorry sister, _expression ko lang yun pag nagsasalita ako [that's just my _expression whenever I speak]." The group, knowing that I meant no offense, just smiled and waved friendly goodbyes. To be honest, I found the woman's reaction totally uncalled for, and simply tried to dismiss it as over sensitivity on her part. Still, I was bothered by the whole situation, so much so that I kept analyzing what happened just to be able to understand it, at least. What I learned is that when I referred to them as "mga bakla" [gays], I was no different from my prejudiced counterparts. I considered all the women in that meeting—my friend V included—as gay men like me. It turned out as I continued my research that I was so wrong. Eventually, I saw that the cause of transgendered women is legitimately logical and is no different from the cause of other subalterns such as women, third-world citizens and gay men and women. Seeing Sas Myth: Transgendered women are men who desire and aspire to be women, or "women trapped in men's bodies" as the popular saying goes. Fact: Transgendered women are not gay; they are women. They do not aspire and desire to become women because they already are women in the first place. I distinguished myth from fact when I interviewed Sas Sasot, a transgendered woman who cofounded STRAP with V. Sas is all-woman—very feminine. When I met her, she was wearing a hip outfit, which consisted of a pair of platform shoes and a white blouse over a pair of faded blue boot-cut jeans. She even wore her hair in a ponytail, complete with light makeup on her pretty face. There is no trace of masculinity in her, be it in her movements or speech. Sas is not a man trying to pass herself as a woman. More important, she is not a man who wants to be a woman. Born in Manila with an assigned sex male on May 27, 1982, Sas has always considered herself a woman. "I was never confused. As far as I could remember I have always been a woman. I always placed myself in female groupings whenever I would play as a child, and believe it or not, the fact that I was assigned male at birth was never a problem for me. I just knew that I was woman," she begun her story. In her senior year in high school, Sas wanted to understand more about herself and started to research on the concepts of transsexual and transgender. "Learning about transsexuals and transgenders was almost like an obsession. I read up on articles and journals as well as academic and medical findings, in the hope to empower myself in further understanding and appreciating how I feel and think about myself. It was a matter of looking for the precise language that will articulate the very nature of my existence." What Sas was looking for—that which she eventually found in STRAP—was a place devoid of prejudice and stereotypical notions. A place where she can be free to be what she believes she was designed to be: A woman. "Although I was very lucky to have a handful of friends back in high school—who understood and accepted my womanhood—there were still several people who look at me as merely pa-girl [acting like a girl in a playful manner], or nagmamaganda [making out herself to be better than others]. Despite all these comments, I never judged my friends with their choices and how they viewed and considered themselves. I continued, though, to look for other women like me." In the middle of Sas' sharing, a single question ran through my mind: What exactly are the fundamental tenets that make an individual a transgendered woman? The thorough explanation According to Sas, it is believed, as a by-product of hegemonic modern research and knowledge, that an individual's assigned sex, gender identity, gender _expression and sexual preference are all interconnected with each other. The conventional and foundational belief of the existing majority of people when it comes to gender formation is that a person's assigned sex must conform in a linear fashion with his or her gender identity, gender _expression, and ultimately, sexual preference. Assigned sex is what doctors declare upon the birth of an infant. This is determined on whether an infant possesses a penis or a vagina. Gender identity, or "affirmed sex" as referred to by the Australians, is how the infant as he or she grows up perceives himself or herself to be: Whether he or she is male or female—both psychologically and emotionally. Gender identity is therefore an intrinsic and subjective decision that only an individual could determine for himself or herself. Gender _expression is subject to sociocultural factors, which dictate and manipulate how a man or a woman should present himself or herself physically, especially in public. For instance, here in the Philippines, crossing one's legs when sitting is an action associated with women. The same position, however, is considered a masculine in the United Kingdom. Sexual preference is based on which gender an individual is turned on to sexually. The dominant belief is that if an infant is declared male, he should perceive himself as male, express himself in a masculine way and should be aroused sexually by women. The same is also believed in the case of an infant assigned with the female sex. Any person who deviates from this system is considered abnormal, dysfunctional, or in a state of disorder. A classic example is the homosexual experience: Men who are born and declared as men by virtue of their penises, who identify themselves as men, who express themselves in a masculine and/or feminine fashion, either occasionally or regularly, and who are sexually attracted and sexually aroused by other men. Conservatives passionately believe that any deviation to the "linear development" of a person's sexual/gender identity is a sin and immoral. Current studies show, however, that this is a flawed argument due to recent findings in both medical and philosophical research. The findings are as follow: In the first trimester of pregnancy, an infant's genitals are formed. The genital formation of an individual, however, is not synchronized with the formation of his or her brain sex—the deciding factor in a human's being's physiology that enables an individual to determine his or her gender identity. Brain sex is formed a few years after an individual is born. What follows thereafter is the formation of one's gender _expression, which happens as early as 4 to 5 years after birth. Puberty signals the advent of one's hormonal rush, and it is then that an individual is able to determine his or her sexual preference. In the case of transgendered women, they were declared as women upon birth, but as their brain sex develops, they identify themselves as men and thereby express themselves as men. Their sexual preference, however, could be geared toward either men and/or women. In its simplest form, transgendered women are those whose gender _expression and gender identity does not conform to their assigned sex. With this mind it is therefore possible for two post-op transgendered women to have a romantic and sexual relationship with each other. Identifying the transgendered Contrary to popular belief, transgender is not under the umbrella term of homosexuality. Transgender is the umbrella term for individuals who are transvestites or cross-dressers, transsexuals and other variations, such as intersex, which is best explained and understood using the principles of chromosome formation (see sidebar). To differentiate, transvestites or cross-dressers are men with the fetish of dressing up and acting in a fashion that does not conform to their assigned sex, occasionally. For instance, a male transvestite would go to work every day presenting himself as masculine, but dresses up and acts like a woman in the weekends. Transsexuals are men and women whose assigned sex do not conform to their gender identity and _expression, and would like to live out their gender identity and _expression in a full-time and lifetime basis. Transgendered women for instance whose assigned sex is male live out their life—from the most mundane act of taking a bath to the more complex realm of courtship and human relationships—as the women that they are. Another popular misconception is that the cure for a transsexual condition is a sexual reassignment procedure. The politics and culture of transgendered women believe in the ideology that a sexual reassignment procedure is merely but one of many options that they have in pursuing and improving their individual lifestyles and conditions as women. This startling piece of information begged Sas and V to comment on the statement, "But you're still born with the assigned sex male!" V replied: "Everybody is entitled to an opinion. They have to respect my opinion about myself just as I respect theirs. Opinions are never absolute truths. I feel sorry for people who express and communicate their views on transgendered men and women without even knowing the nature of the subject they are talking about. I admire them for having an opinion but I suggest that they learn more about transgenders before they talk about us." Sas explained: "Labels are boxes. It's either we box ourselves or others will do it for us. Everything boils down to respect. It's a matter of respecting other people's decision. I respect the box you created for yourself and you must respect that box that I created for myself." At the end of my interview, I still had more questions: Who calls the shots as far as gender normalcy is concerned? What exactly is "normalcy" as far as gender is concerned? Is there a line that separates "order" and "disorder" in gender? I settled it all on a universal fact: Ultimately, gender is a sociocultural construction imposed upon individuals by people who support the dominant belief and value system, which is without a doubt very subjectively constructed. I struggled to come up for the most appropriate ending for this story. But I can't think of one because the story of transgendered women has merely begun . . . . About the Author: Francis "Chuck" Gomez, a publicist, is also teaching Philippine Literature in English and World Literature at the De La Salle College of Saint Benilde. He is finishing a Master's degree in Literature at the University of Santo Tomas and has taught Fiction, Poetry and Drama at the Ateneo de Manila University and Senior Communication Research at the Colegio de San Juan de Letran.
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